Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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