fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
