Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
