True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
