my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
