naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
