Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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