I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
