Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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