I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize