so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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