Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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