My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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