I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
