We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
