stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
