OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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