wat bout pragnant strippers??
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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