dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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