It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
