had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize