Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
