I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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