go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
