Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
