We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
