you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
do nipples grow back?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
