if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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