i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
