Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
