Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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