Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have aggressive nipples.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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