just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
