normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
