Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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