I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize