Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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