saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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