My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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