What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize