god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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