I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
