i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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