remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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