In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
