OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
