i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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