you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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