That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
