Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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