He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
