He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
