so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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