4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
