Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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