Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
