i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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