I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
