You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
