Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
