Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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