Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
