very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
