I wish I could teleport
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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