worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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