i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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