Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
