Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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