I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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