Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
