you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
