I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
