just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
