So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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