By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
