My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want a musical about memes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize