Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
