Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
