I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
