my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He kissed a someone with a penis
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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