I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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